One Moment

Can a single moment be worth it? Be worth all the stress and hardship that came to make that moment possible? And when that moment comes could one take the risks required in order to achieve it? With the seemingly endless frustration from feeling helpless and lost, with none to turn to, slowing creeping further and further in? The pain and hardship of saying nothing and acting like everything's normal? Can one moment be worth it?  Bettie Wilson is trying to find that answer.

In a quiet little pub on a Thursday night a group of friends sat in a corner. It was an old style place, with little cracks and wear and tear that showed its age. They regularly met up there because it was nice and quiet for the most part, unless there was a football match going on. But that night was special, they were saying goodbye to one of them.

Dan was talking to Luke, both were in their early twenties with short dark hair. Luke had just finished university and moving onto greener pastures, "So what're you gonna do down in Warwick?" Dan asked Luke.

"My uncle runs a local paper and he's got me a job taking pictures for it."

"Not what you know but who you know?" Will interjected. She was a little younger than them and soon to be going into her third and final year at university. She had curly red hair that she liked to play with it when she was bored.

"It's what I know and who I know, I'll have you know." Luke smiled a bit as he sipped his drink. He was getting tipsy, but not drunk since he knew when to stop drinking. He didn't like going that far.

"I'm hearing a lot of 'no's' and no 'yeses' if our prized photographer wants another drink." Kate stepped in, getting up to go to the bar again. She was Will's best friend and was doing the same course as her. She was the tallest girl they knew, taller than few guys too. She had the strongest constitution out of all of them and she liked to try and torment them because of it.

"Hey right now, if you're paying I'm up for it." Kate gave him a thumbs up and flashed an evil grin as she headed for the bar.

Dan continued his conversation with Luke, "Hey now, I barely get to see you all summer and you're moving away now."

"Can't help that. Not like I could stop a family vacation. Besides I'll still be popping back here from time to time since I'll actually be getting paid. So when I get some free time I'll hop on a train to see Claire and you guys, mainly Claire though." He kissed Claire on the lips and then continued on, "So anyway I just wanna thank you guys, 'cause without you all I wouldn't have started this photography thing."

Claire hugged her boyfriend's right side and nuzzled his shoulder, "Hey now, you are awesome with or without us. We just helped you get in the right place at the right time." Claire and Luke had been together for three years and the only way they could get closer was if they merged into one being. With him moving away they were going into long distance relationship territory, which both of them had tried to prepare for.

Bettie watched their display of public affection and quietly sipped her drink. She watched the two poke and tickle each other for a while and when Kate got back with the drinks she headed for the bathroom.

The bathrooms in this pub were all upstairs so there was a hallway at the top of them before the bathroom entrances. It was usually empty, save for people coming or going to the toilet, so it was a good place to go for some privacy. So it wasn't uncommon to hold some private conversations there, or just use a mobile. As she made it up the stairs a hand grabbed her shoulder, "Hey, wait up." Bettie turned to see Claire, and a kind smile that seemed to never leave her face, "Anything wrong?"

"No… Nothing at all." She tried not to make eye contact while not being rude and looking away, but looking at other parts of Claire's body didn't help.

"No? You've been quiet all night. You didn't even correct Will when she got a blatant bit of Batman comics' lore wrong."

"You caught that?" Bettie was a tad surprised at that given Claire was never that much of a comic's geek like some of them were.

"Hey I've been hanging around you long enough to pick at least some of these things up." Claire scratched her arm a little, not sure if that was a good thing or not.

'I wish she'd pick up more from me than comic trivia.' Bettie thought.

"So what's up?"

"I'm dealing with some… personal stuff. Things I can't really talk about."

"Oh." They'd been friends since high school and had gotten through many bad times together. So if this is so personal she couldn't tell Claire about it then it must be really heavy, "Well whatever it is I'll always be here if you need any help." She gave her a hug and went back downstairs.

"That's the problem." Bettie muttered to herself under her breath as she watched Claire walk away. As she made her way to the bathroom she tensed and untensed her right hand. It was her way of relieving stress, and it wasn't working so well right now. 'Drink is not a solution.' She kept repeating to herself.

---

Several hours later, when the pub was closing, the group was outside saying their final goodbyes. Bettie couldn't stand still and was constantly playing with a bollard.

"How much has she had?" Will asked the more sober members of the group.

"Hey, don't look at me." Kate held up her hands up defensively, "I only offered her one pint, she bought the rest herself."

"One is one too many for Bettie." Claire said knowing all too well how much of a light drinker Bettie was, "So who's walking her home?"

"I thought you would?"

Luke answered for Claire, "Well, you see, I have a train to catch in the morning and I don't want to spend all night taking turns holding her hair back over the toilet." All of them gathered what he'd rather be doing that night and no one could blame him, "So it's up to you three."

"Not it." Will and Kate said together.

"Fine." Dan muttered, "Getting flashbacks to school right now." The girls chuckled as he walked over to Bettie and put his arm over her shoulder, "Let's get you home."

She looked up at him for a second, her brain slowly registering what he'd said, then she slipped out from under it and waddled over to Claire. She gave her a big hug and pressed her head against her chest, "I… I'll see you tomorrow." Before Claire could respond Bettie had moved on to hug Luke, "Stay safe, alright." And without missing a beat she added, "Always use a condom or I'll hunt you down and do things that'll make you never forget again. Got it?" Luke shyly nodded, not sure what to say to that.

Will and Kate just started laughing a little too long and hard over that exchange. Bettie just turned to look at them and said, "No hugs for you 'cause you're a pair of dicks." Then she stuck her tongue out at them.

"Well… your face." Will tried her best witty reply. Kate just casually covered her face with her palm at her friend's response.

"Let's go home before your witty comebacks cut us to shreds." Kate said as she dragged Will away.

"Amen to that." Dan replied as he guided Bettie to walk in the opposite direction, "See you guys later." They all waved goodbye to each other and went their separate ways, "So how much have you had?" He asked, trying to make it sound as casual as he could.

Bettie turned to look at Claire's retreating form with a regretful look on her face, "Not enough." He looked a little confused by that, but he didn't say anything.

After a while of random drunk talk and not so polite conversation Bettie had sobered up enough to get serious, but was still drunk enough to not care about consequences, "Can I tell you something personal?"

"Sure."

"And you can't let this get out. I don't want to be gossip and have it get back to certain someone's." She tried her best 'or else' face but it came off as more comical and over the top than serious. She even wagged her finger at him as best she could, though it was mostly her wrist acting like it had no muscle control.

"Of course. I get the whole 'personal issues' thing." Dan had confided in Bettie that he had a sex change some years ago. It was her who helped convince him to be more open about it and that he could trust their friends. Not trust them to not make light of it every now and again, but that was their way of showing affection, with playful mocking.

"That's what I like about you, you get this stuff. Deep down in your post-op heart you understand these things."

"Thanks… I think. So the personal thing you wanted to talk about?"

"Oh that, yeah, I'm gay –"

Dan started laughing at that, "No duh."

"Huh?"

"You couldn't make it more obvious unless you made out with chicks ever ten minutes. Then again even some of our friends wouldn't get it. Subtlety is lost on us sometimes."

"Buh?"

"Let's face it, you check out more boobs and ass than me. Plus you've never once given my wonderful physique a once over." He mocking flexed what little muscles he had while making grunting 'manly' sounds.

"Yeah, right. Your body may be fabulous but I wouldn't check it out even if I were straight." She not so lightly punched his arm, "But anyway, that's not the personal stuff."

"Go on then."

She took a deep breath and went for it, "Well I'm kinda, sorta, gay for Claire."

"Did not expect that one." Dan was a little gobsmacked by this new info. Though, in retrospect, it seemed fairly obvious to him now.

"Yeah. I've been trying not to say or do anything 'cause, A: she's got a boyfriend, 2: she's straight, and Z: anything that happens will either crap all over their relationship or our friendship. So I'm screwed if I do and screwed if I don't."

"Figuratively, anyway."

"What's that?" She slurred a little horribly.

"I said we're here." They'd come to a stop outside Bettie's terraced house. I wasn't much and looked like most of the other houses on the street, but it was a lot better than any student accommodation she'd stayed in. Though that wasn't saying much.

Bettie looked around, surprised for a moment, "Oh, right." She fumbled around in her pockets to try and find her keys, "How long have we been here?"

"About two minutes."

"Jerk."

"Hey. I wanted to hear you finish."

"Sure, sure. You left me standing outside my house without realising it." She fumbled with properly putting the key in the lock a few times, "I have all the reasons to call you a jerk. You jerk."

"Need some help?"

"I. Got. It." She said, slowly putting it in one last time and slowly turning it till it clicked into place. While also trying to stop her hands from shaking too much. When she opened the door and stepped inside she just leaned back against the hallway wall and closed her eyes.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just gonna sleep here. G'night."

Dan checked the time on his phone and sighed, "Come on." He said as he stepped inside and gently pushed her into the living room. She objected to moving, as well as turning on the lights, both were uncomfortable, but he kept pushing till she was sat down and made sure the door was properly closed. Her living room was pretty cluttered with random allsorts. From books to comics to half empty crisp packets, they all lying on chair arms or the floor, with little space for anything else it seemed. There were two chairs and a sofa, all arranged at the edges of the room so they pointed at the TV on the opposite wall. She had two housemates, both of which were thankfully asleep and very sound sleepers. So there was little they could do downstairs that'd wake them up. Connected to the living was the kitchen and as Dan came back through he went into the kitchen to get her a glass of water. When he came back into the living room he genteelly poked her till she stopped dozing off, "Drink. You're in for a nasty hangover tomorrow, but this'll help make sure it's not too bad."

She took the glass, steadying it with both hands, and downed it all in one go, "I like it. Another." She gleefully handed the empty glass back to him and he got back up to refill it.

"Anything you wish, Thor." He jokingly remarked as they both started referencing the recent Thor movie.

"That's Thor Odinson to you."

He laughed softly as he came back in with a refilled glass, "We're giant nerds."

"And proud!" She took the glass, but sipped it slowly this time. She was starting to get more awake and coherent, "Hey you won't tell anyone about me liking Claire, will you?"

"I am shocked you don't trust me." He put on his best mock 'shocked and hurt' expression.

"I'd trust you with the end of the world. Gossip, however, not so much." She smiled slightly, trying to keep herself from nodding off.

"Well you can trust me in this case. So are you sure this isn't just some crush thing that'll pass in a few months?"

She sighed heavily and put the glass down, "It was a crush, like, a year ago. I ignored it and hoped it'd go away, which it did and didn't. Then this summer happened, where it came back with a vengeance. We were spending more and more time together with Luke being away a lot, like the good ol' days. I can't stop thinking about her now. I can't help feeling this way, every time she smiles or talks about something she loves I start liking her even more. I could listen to her talk for hours on end, even if I don't have a clue what she was talking about sometimes. There's something about her I've always liked, that cute smile, being all quiet and shy one minute then all talkative when she speaks about something she's really passionate about."

"Plus she's hot." He was only being half serious with that remark. While he did think Claire was good looking he was only trying to lighten the mood with Bettie.

"You know the funny thing is that I didn't notice that. Not for quite a while after I started crushing on her, at least. Then I saw her hotness one day and now I can't stop noticing it, which hasn't help one bit. I don't know how she feels about me, whether we're just friends or even if she feels the same way. Maybe she's dropped hints and I missed them or I could be over thinking things like I usually do. Maybe I'm just an idiot. So do you have any advice on what the hell I should do?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment before coming out with, "Well you can tell her how you feel, just stop hanging out with her, or suck it up and try to be friends."

"Oh such wonderful words of wisdom." She bit back sarcastically,

"Hey, you put me on the spot. As far as I can see they're your options." As true as they were those words didn't comfort her like they were intended to.

"I'll go with door number three. If I tell her I know it'll ruin our friendship and she'd rather go out with Luke than with me. If I stop being friends with her then it'll still hurt like hell, so no upside and all the downside. So there's just 'sucking it up' left."

"You sure about that?"

"Sure enough not to risk it." She'd finished her glass of water and started to curl up on the sofa, "I don't have much choice in the matter." Were her final words before she closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Dan just sighed again and once he heard he snoring he knew she gone for the night. He grabbed her keys as he made his way out, shutting off all the lights on the way out. When he got outside he locked the door and pushed her keys through the letterbox. As he made his way home he made a mental note to, at the very least, try and help Bettie get through this. Even if that help was just being a sounding board for her.

---

The weeks had passed after Luke moved away and things had not gotten any easier. Bettie and Claire had been spending more time together, and that had made the situation worse. Without her boyfriend around Claire interacted with her friends more, which meant her and Bettie were talking more and having more physical contact. Bettie was getting frustrated with it all. Spending time with Claire was great, afterwards spending time walking away from her while wishing she could say something was hell. The idea that they could be together if she hadn't met Luke when she did kept percolating in her head. What ifs and else worlds were spinning around her mind about how great it would all be. The more time they spent together the worse it got. Bettie had started drinking more over time in the vein hope it would help her. That it could either take the pain away or loosen her control so she'd let something slip out. It was a fairly stupid plan, even for her, but she tried anyway since it gave her some hope.

Then one night it all came to a head. They were at the same pub, shearing the same laughter, except this time there was no Luke and Dan had prior arrangements so he had declined to join them. This time Claire was sat next to Bettie and was having an animated discussion with her. She was only half paying attention to it as the frustration was building again and it was getting hard to focus on the discussion

When it became too much she excused herself to go to the bathroom and then planned to get another drink. As she got to the top of the stairs she felt a familiar hand on her shoulder.

"We've got to stop meeting like this." Bettie forced a laugh, trying to deflect the oncoming question.

"What's going on with you?" Claire asked with a worried expression.

"Nothing." It was a bad lie, but little else came to mind.

"Yeah, well considering you've been drinking a lot more recently I'd say something's wrong." Bettie shifted her eyes and tried to look away, "Me and Dan are really worried about you."

"What did he say?"

"That you were going through some personal stuff and that talking about it would make things worse. Just like you said a while ago." Bettie sighed with some relief, "I don't believe that. If you tell what's wrong I can help, no matter what it is I'll be there for you."

"No! You can't. Not you."

"What ever's going on bottling it up clearly isn't helping. Is it worth what it's doing to you?" The question lay there for a few seconds with an answer that could be easily given but never taken back.  

"I can't tell you because…" She didn't know why she said it. Maybe she was drunk enough, or the frustration got too much to bare, maybe a combination of the two. What ever the reason it didn't change what she said next, "I like you. A lot. All I want to do right now is kiss you."

That was the instant she couldn't take anything back, and she didn't want to either. She locked eyes with Claire and showed how serious she was. In that moment all the stress was gone. Her hands stopped shaking, her muscles untensed. The pure happiness of relief filled her. No matter what came afterwards that moment was worth it.